Bittersweet

My heart has been kind of heavy of late. So full and sometimes so burdened. Life is really good. But life can feel so lonely sometimes. I have this sad, wistful feeling while simultaneously seeing so many beautiful things happen in front of me that I can't help but feel happy about them. I feel convinced that at this time in my life I am right where God wants me. That feeling is reassuring.

I have had two situations in the past two years which I've faced that required me to choose between following God and following others. Times where I've been lonely and am given the choice to have friends and/or companions or to stand on what I believe and follow God. Loneliness is a difficult monster to deal with. Sometimes following God can feel so lonely. I know that in both these situations I felt so brokenhearted and hurt. Maybe even rejected. And because of what I believe about God. During these times though I prayed and read my Bible and was so encouraged and so comforted. I recently read Isaiah 55 and Psalm 37 and both were so beautiful and uplifting and I felt a nearness to God that I don't typically feel. It was such a gentle and loving moment between me and my God in which I poured out the feelings and concerns that I can't share with others and the desires of my heart that I don't feel comfortable talking to everyone about either. As I told all these things to God I knew that He understood and that He truly cared.

It's ironic that in these lonely and painful times I felt so encouraged and loved. Not punished. Not abused. Just loved. And I've also realized that nothing I've ever gone through or given up for Christ is that great of a sacrifice in comparison to the love He has shown me. It's a bittersweet feeling. Like getting over being sick. You still feel weak and tired, but you feel your strength returning and appreciate the feeling of good health more than you did before you were sick. In those lonely, sad times I felt so weak and little, but I also felt more supported by Christ than I can ever remember feeling.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.