Decorating.

It sounds funny, but while I like to plan the surface decoration for my pots, the actual decorating is one of my least favorite parts of ceramics. Today I made a bunch of test tiles and glazes tests to start working out my colors for the glazes. I can pull them out of the kiln tomorrow. I have fun colors...like bright yellow and orchid and dove grey.

Platter...with inset underglaze and then silk-screened flowers in slip.

Little flasks and another platter.

I had a meeting with my teacher to make sure I was on track to graduate in May and I am. So unless I mess up terribly I should *finally* have a BFA this spring. He also told me I should apply to some grad schools to see if I get in. He said he thought my work was ready. I almost fell apart crying in his office. I've been so frustrated with my work lately and have felt like quite a failure. Like no matter how hard I work I never get better and will never be a good artist. Art is really rough on your self-esteem. So to have him say something that made me feel like I'm making progress was relieving, but also just enough to push me over the edge. Let us just say that my emotions in the past 6 weeks since school started have been unraveling at quite a rapid rate and I'm beyond ready for a break already. I've said several times in the past week or so "I should have gone to nursing school!" Because now that I'm nearing the end and have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself things are really stressing me out. I'm still grateful I went to art school. I don't want to be a nurse. Would that make more money for me? Yes. Probably. But I wouldn't have had the experience I have had these past 3 years. My whole life would be so different. Also, I really do like working with my hands and I like the way art lets you combine hands-on technique with conceptual ideas.

It's hard to have confidence sometimes. Mine has been shaken. I'm excited to graduate, but I'm stressed out about it too. It's going to be an upheaval. That is never smooth. I'm just trying to remember the verse:
Psalm 37:23-24

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall for the Lord holds them by the hand."

Things are rough...it's not time to doubt all my decisions or lose faith in God's guiding. I sort of begged Him for art school...and He was gracious enough to give it to me. And He has blessed me throughout it. So now I have to trust that He will do what He wants with it as I graduate and go on to the next thing.