Monday, September 1, 2014
I got caught in the rain
I ran an errand before heading into the studio and on my way back to my car I got caught in a downpour. I wasn't parked too far away from the entrance of the store but I still managed to get soaked while walking back to my car.
Perspective is everything, isn't it? I've really struggled with my emotions, self-esteem, and self-worth recently. I'm not sure where some of it is coming from. Certain things that I haven't really dealt with for years have suddenly re-surfaced and demanded to be acknowledged. Yuck.
And then today I got caught in a downpour while going back to my car. While getting really wet isn't my favorite thing to do, this particular event was one of those that made me feel so alive. For some reason this event helped to remind me that it doesn't matter what I look like or what I do. The same God that knows exactly how many drops of rain fell this afternoon loves me. It reminded me of when I was baptized.
I'm grateful for senses to take in this world. I'm grateful for a mind to process it too. I'm not trying to make being doused with rain out to be anything more than it is...but I also don't want to make life out to be anything less than it is. All of it is a miracle. Life, is a miracle. A chance to know the Creator. In looking back on this situation I want to live a life where I'm all in. I'll get soaked. I'll be really happy. I'll be really heartbroken. I'll be really uncomfortable. I'll be really blessed. I'll be really frightened.
It takes a lot of bravery to live life all in. But it's REALLY living. Running out there and having my senses shocked reminded me of all there is in life to take in. And since we are more than physical beings we can take in a lot more than just the physical experiences we come across. Just like I can feel rain hitting my skin I can feel emotions and experience love in all the beautiful and painful ways it makes itself known. I am so frightened of all these things. I'm frightened to know that I can feel hurt and pain keenly. I try to shield myself from that every way I can. But my desire is to be willing to go all in and be soaked in every situation I find myself in. It takes trust and faith that God has a purpose for all these things to refine me and grow me and that my present discomfort could be something sanctifying in the end.
It's so much easier said than done. And even harder to do with a good attitude.