I've always wanted to get married and have a family. A big family. At my grandmother's funeral I looked around and saw her 10 children, their children and the grandchildren and even great grandchildren and I couldn't help but think that I want to leave a legacy like that. It was so beautiful. I've always wanted to have a home where people felt welcome and comfortable. I want to live far away enough from people to have privacy and freedom for my kids to run and yell and play without bothering anyone, but close enough to people to easily keep them a part of my life. I want to be a wife and be the best friend to some man. I want to help him as he becomes everything God wants him to be. I want to grow in my faith with him. I want to grow old with him.
I want to be a homemaker. I want a place to call my own that I can decorate, clean and live in. I want to cook and bake healthy, nourishing foods for family and friends. I want a community. I want to work with my hands. Ideally I'd love to be a potter and make pottery but also make books, prints and take photographs. A jack-of-all-trades artist or something. And I want to be fluent in Mandarin as well.
I don't want things to come too easily. I don't want to be wealthy. I never want to be a high-society girl. I don't want big fancy stores and restaurants to be second nature to me. I want big cities and fancy places to always be a novelty. I want to be thrilled by simple things. Like nature, friendships, and experiencing life. I want to work hard and play hard. And be festive. I want to be the kind of person who makes a special dinner for friends and family...just because the day was so lovely. Or so hard. I want to be the kind of person who dresses up for no occasion other than the fact that I'm alive and that's a reason to celebrate.
I want my life to be about serving God and seeing others come to know how much He loves them. I want to see others love and serve Him. I want to see God change lives and communities. I want to see the promises He made in the Bible can come to pass. I want to experience friendship with my creator and always rest in the security of His love and power.
I want to end each day counting all my blessings and being grateful for how much I've been blessed and I want to wake up each morning with an enthusiasm and zeal for life.
Already I've found myself overwhelmed with how GOOD life is. It's hard. Finances are tight. Relationships can be strenuous. There are plenty of things to worry and stress and complain about. But sometimes I can't believe how fortunate I am. I love this life I've been given. I haven't attained that entire dream yet. I'm unmarried; I don't have kids. I'm a student. I'm in debt. But I wouldn't trade the experiences God has given me and what He has taught and is teaching me for anything right now. I'm completely content to be right where God has me and I look forward to what He brings me next. I don't want to wait until I have everything I think I want to be happy, joyful and thankful. I guess what I really want is an attitude of trust and joy in my Savior.
Anyway, in my wildest dreams that is a glimpse of what I want. It probably sounds silly and girlish, but I guess I am both of those things.