I would say the past few weeks have completely worn me out. It seems like there is just never enough time to do everything I need and want to do. I've had a couple of days these past couple of weeks where I realized I hadn't eaten a meal in over 24 hours due to the busyness of my schedule. Needless to say, this lack of eating has resulted in me being pretty hangry at different times. I feel like my patience levels have dropped a lot the past few days and I feel rather despairing at times. I had a few moments this week where I was ready to crack. I was at school till midnight on Monday and having horrible luck with what I was making for my critique on Wednesday and I was so miserable. I wondered why I had to pick a major that made me feel so incredibly bad about myself. I sometimes equate being a ceramics major to being in a bad relationship (which I've never been in so this comparison is only based on what I've heard) where you do all the giving and ceramics does all the taking and it's never enough. Nothing I do is good enough, nothing works out the way I intend it to and I feel like an unappreciated failure. You might argue that I'm taking this too seriously. I probably am. My sister told me I'm a workaholic, but are you still a workaholic if the whole time you're busy you don't want to be working? Cause seriously, all I've wanted to do this week is sleep and watch movies in my bed and eat fall-ish foods.
The whole week wasn't awful though. Aside from being really stressful and exhausting I've had quite a nice weekend. On Friday I went to a friend's apartment and watched Inkheart and Stardust which was fun. And yesterday I had lunch with a friend and walked around Old Navy and the went home and napped and watched the Lion King with 2 of my roommates and some friends. It was so relaxing and nice to be with the girls all weekend. I'm really sad that the weekend is almost over and I still have Chinese homework to do. :(
I think I need to make it a point to get out of the studio more and relax on weekends. I feel guilty and irresponsible if I don't spend all my time working on things and I think I need to lose those feelings and realize that rest and down-time are important. I feel so much more refreshed and ready to go back to school when I make time for fun. I've been trying to convince my professors to start a school-wide "Professor skip day" so we can have a long weekend. It's not really working, but maybe if I suggest it enough they'll jump on it. Especially with the symposium happening this week...maybe they'll be so tired they'll want a break next week.
On top of all that I find other things to worry about. Family, school, future, etc. It gets me really down and I feel like I bottle things up and it just makes everything worse. I've been doing a Bible study that has been really good and helped me with my perspective and also kind of teaching me how to deal with stress and anxiety (cast your cares on Him for He cares for you). It's a work in progress, of course.
Anyway, so that wasn't a very interesting or light-hearted post, but it's what's been up lately. I'm hoping for a calmer week ahead...the symposium starts Friday morning, so I sort of doubt it will be that much calmer, but at least I'll get to see all my Chinese professors and watch them do demos and give lectures. It should be fun. :)
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