Friday, August 29, 2014

Hao Jiu Bu Jian (Long time, no see)

Life happened and I neglected writing.

It wasn't an accident. I'm finding that sometimes you need a big break from things. Things that you're not obligated to to spend time on. It would seem that sometimes things that fill me up also empty me out and I need to step away. Also, as with any creative release, sometimes you need to go out and live in order to create content. So I'm back writing here again because I'm so full of words and emotions that sometimes can't be expressed out loud, but can be put into writing. I guess because I need this again

How to even catch up after so long? I think my last post was February 23rd of this year. In six months time I've moved twice. I've changed jobs. I became involved an extra Bible study in more of a leadership role that has been really challenging and taken up a large chunk of my time. I've become really busy and I'm not even sure where my time is going anymore. Sometimes it just seems like noise. Sometimes it seems like important work. Sometimes I feel quite fulfilled and blessed beyond measure. Other times I feel drained and like I'm just missing something.

I guess all those things exist together. I can acknowledge my blessings while acknowledging that I want even more from life. I can acknowledge that the mundane parts of our life are the foundation for the important things of life. While I want to have a genuine heart of gratitude for all the things I've been blessed with, and while I want to try and keep my interactions with people lighthearted and God-centered sometimes you just need to be honest and say what's in your heart of hearts.

And that is this: I want more. I don't want to feel like I'm filling my time just to be busy. Or that I'm doing unimportant things so others can do the important things. What is important anyway? I don't want to look back on my 20s with regrets of the things I should have done...whether important work or just taking time to enjoy the life I've been given.

I have a lot on my heart and mind and I feel like recording it again for a little while at least.

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