Being me.

Chinese underglaze decals.

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself. I wish I was the kind of person who was passionate about medicine. Or math. Or engineering. Or political science. I wish I was a natural intellectual.

But as it would turn out working with my hands, dancing, poetry, languages...those are more of the things that make my heart feel so full. Those are the things that make me feel energized. They aren't prestigious. They are not profitable (at least not in comparison with medicine and engineering, etc). If I could be the kind of person who loved those other areas of interest I would be. Maybe people would treat me more like I was serious and ambitious.

But I'm not that person. I'm Grace. I make pottery and books and other objects because I've always been a maker. It's part of who I am...it keeps me sane and a bit crazy all at the same time. Dancing makes me feel wildly happy. Poetry has made me cry. Communicating in another language is thrilling.

I can't change myself. And I'd like to think that if God created me with these interests and passions...that if he created those disciplines...then rather than be disappointed in myself I should just be thankful. Because if He saw fit to create them then they are good. And they are fine to pursue and to enjoy and to throw myself into. That they are all useful in some way.

Perhaps I am rationalizing things here, but it would be nice to not feel that I have to explain my choices of study or defend my passions and justify them in some way. That is the way I tend toward now.