Counting down...

I can't believe school starts in a little less than 2 weeks! Tomorrow I go into the studio for my last workday to finish some glazing. I really hope I'll be able to get my pots fired before I leave to go back to school. My parents are celebrating their 26th wedding anniversary this Thursday and my younger sister has her high school graduation the same day. It's all coming up quickly.

Endings make me anxious. The end of a semester or the end of a summer or a school break each signal the end of a season that I'm at least familiar with whether it is comfortable and happy or not. The unknown makes me stress. It makes me emotional too. My family has to put up with me during this transition time again. They should be sainted.

I know endings mean a new beginning is on its way. Deep inside I want change, but I always fight it too. Ideally I would like to go through life without a care in the world because I know God goes before me and makes a path for me. But I haven't come that far in my walk with Christ yet so I'll continue to fight the insecurities and doubts and fears that come from all the potential awkward scenarios I might find myself in with this new school year.

I guess I could be optimistic and focus on all the good opportunities that show themselves each year. I could focus on what I know is true and that is that God loves me and has a plan for my life.

Why is it so much easier sometimes to dwell on the worrisome and negative things than to dwell in the shelter of the Most High?

On the bright side, while it is supposed to be in the upper 90s here for the next 10 days it's supposed to be in the mid 70s to low 80s at school. So that will be nice. :)

Letters

This is a collection of short letters to various people/places/things in the world.

Dear Walmart: your produce is horrible. Pretty much all the time.

Dear Phil Keaggy, Keith Green, Don Francisco and Fernando Ortega. I will always love you. Even if most of my peers have no idea who any of you are. They are missing out. Thanks for your music. <3

Dear Target: I had pretty much written you off earlier this year as being cheap and tacky, but after a trip to visit you these past couple of weeks I have restored trust in you. Thank you for making cute and modest length clothing of decent quality lately.

Dear Dad (Da-dee): thanks for buying that $5 tee for me. :) That was unexpected and very sweet of you.

Dear Ceramics: you bring out every insecurity in me. I seriously find myself thinking sometimes "will they think I'm weird or stupid cause I made this pot?" etc. How is it that I can love something that makes me feel so insecure? Oh well. I will always love you anyway.

Dear Fall semester: bring it! I'm ready for you! I think. But please be nicer than you were last semester.

Dear gross, humid, 100+ degree weather we've been having for the past few weeks: (read this in a Gollum from LOTR voice) Leave now! And never come back!

Dear fall: I missed you and all your festivities last year since I was in China. Let's make up for it this year, okay!? :)

Dear China: I miss you often and sometimes think about how to get back to you. Lord-willing it will happen someday.

Dear Pamela's GF line: you make a mean gluten-free cake. Thanks.

call me Ms. Pots.

The other day I realized I have roughly 2.5 weeks before heading back to college! And if I want to bring back the ceramic pots I've been working on the past few weeks I better finish them and get them fired! So I brought home a few to attach handles too and decorate and was up quite late working on them. I think I got to the studio around 11:30 am and left around 5:30 pm after helping with the kids' class...I worked at home till a little after 11 pm. I told my mom that was pretty typical of my life at school. Spend all day attaching handles to pots...carving pots...painting pots...
I got up again this morning and have been at it for a good part of the day. I'm tired. I look like this.
At least I showered so my hair isn't that messy. The kitchen table doesn't look so good right now though. Mom and Dad have been good sports about letting me monopolize half of the table.Here are some of the results. As you can see in the above photo some pieces are still covered in plastic. They haven't been worked on yet. At least everything has handles now though. I used to pull all my handles off a piece of clay and attach them to the pot afterward but now I'm getting the handle started and attaching it to the piece before pulling it the rest of the way. I've been told that you'll know your handle is on really well if you can pull it while it's attached to the piece and hopefully that will mean an improvement in handle quality and appearance.



The ladies at the studio are stamping geniuses. They decorate so much of their work with stamps that I decided to do some too. I also did some carving since quite a few of my pots were too dry to stamp. That's why the pattern in the pitcher looks so...messy. I'm hoping it will look better when glazed. Oh I hate glazing! It makes me so anxious!

All this potting is making me excited to go back to school. I enjoy having teachers and classmates who critique and give me good advice while I'm working and I also enjoy watching others work and seeing what inspires them. It's a fun environment and I look forward to getting back to it!

Freedom.

Ever since going to China I've been thinking a lot about freedom. Of course China is a communist country and the people have very little liberty to say what they believe or think there. Speaking out or protesting against the government is illegal and while it is legal to be a christian there it is illegal to evangelize.

While I was in China a couple of things happened that really made me think a lot on freedom and what it means. I was unable to use facebook or blogger while there. I was able to use wordpress until the beginning of November at which point the government blocked it. My teacher (from America) told me that he was pretty sure it was blocked around the same time someone was arrested for speaking out against the government in an effort to control the person (or people...I don't know any details) from saying things they didn't want others to hear. Another thing that happened was that in one of the cities on our final journey home I was in a Starbucks checking my email at the counter when a young Chinese man came up and sat next to me and started chatting with me and eventually asked me if I was a christian. I told him I was and asked if he was too and he replied "yes." He then told me how he was trying to witness to others by tutoring them in English and giving them Bible verses to read. He talked very openly to me in front of the store employees and one of my classmates. I felt very shy, not just because he was a stranger but because of what we were talking about. To be honest I haven't had a lot of opportunities to talk to others about my faith and the idea of sharing my faith frightens me although I really want to share the gospel with others. So I was very impressed, encouraged and convicted by this young man and his willingness to talk publicly about something that could get him in trouble (as I said, evangelizing is illegal in China).

I live in a country where I have freedom of religion, freedom of speech and freedom of expression. Men and women have died to protect these rights for me but I don't use them very much and the reason why I don't is simply because I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll say something wrong or turn people away and lose a chance to say what I truly believe or that I will misrepresent what I believe. I'm afraid that people won't even listen at all and will label me as ignorant or closed-minded if I disagree with them politically, socially and morally. Sometimes in the case of petty things (like tastes in music or movies or clothing, etc) I'm afraid I'll hurt someone's feelings or that others will make fun of me for liking what I like or having my own opinions. So basically I allow fear to take away my freedoms. However there are people in countries who don't have those freedoms but take them anyway and sometimes face severe consequences for it. Their conviction is so strong and they stand so firmly in what they believe that they are willing to pay a price to voice their beliefs.

Understanding this has led me to these conclusions:

• Even though I am legally allowed to say or do whatever I want (within the limits of the law of course) I make the choice whether or not to use the freedoms my government gives me. I am as free as I allow myself to be.
  
• Fear can be a dictator. I have let it control me many times.
  
• Having the "freedom" to do or say what we want or believe does not mean we will not pay a consequence for exercising that liberty. We may lose the good opinions of others, friends, jobs, etc. Freedom to say or act does not remove consequence.
• Remaining silent has consequences too.

And that is what I think.

A quote...

Holly: Have you ever read "Catcher In the Rye?"
Me: No.
Holly: Here, I'll read you a quote (opens book)..."I don't have it anymore." (closes book)

Some random thoughts.

This post is going to be written a la Candice style. :)

It's been hot as blazes lately. Really uncomfortable. I think the heat index has been hovering between 100 and 110 degrees this week. It's gross and I'm beginning to re-think my adamant stance on "I'd much rather be too hot than too cold." Don't tell anyone, but I might just prefer winter to this misery. Of course, this only lasts a few weeks while winter lasts at least 3 months...it's a hard call.

On a weather related note...we had a little rain shower this afternoon and Holly and I went and I said, "it feels SO much cooler now since we had some rain!" We drove past a sign that was telling the temperature...it was 93 degrees outside. Which is probably a 10 degree drop for the day. I remember in China it got up to 104 degrees during the day and there were big storms in the south that caused it to drop from 104 degrees to 84 degrees over night and it was such a big drop in temperature that I remember feeling really cold and wearing a sweater. Funny how that happens.

I sewed a shirt this week and it turned out...well, it didn't turn out actually. It was a failed attempt. I also attempted to make a skirt and didn't do so well there either. So I'll try something different this week. I went thrifting and found some fun stuff...most of it needs some minor or major alterations but I've been wanting to try to alter clothing for awhile so I'm excited about it.

This week both Adam and Holly had birthdays. Adam is 21 and Holly is 17. I'm so used to us all being kids that it seems weird that we're all growing up. Happy birthday, you two.

(I already posted about Holly's birthday, but missed Adam's...so here is a photo in honor of him.)

Working with the folks over at the pottery studio has been fun. The clay community is really wonderful. And having the chance to volunteer with the kids and teens has been fun. Mostly. The other day someone left their wheel on and put their stool on the wheel and one of the kids accidentally stepped on the pedal and the stool started spinning on the wheel head. I grabbed it before it flew off and hit something or someone, but hurt my pinky finger pretty good. So that was a good reminder to remember to make sure your wheel is switched off before putting your stool on top of it.

I'm still finding gray hairs on my head. I've been told not to worry. That's it's not terribly uncommon. I think this past year is to blame for it.

I have recently been reminded that it's more fun to eat with chopsticks than it is to use a fork or spoon.

I think that's about it. I have been thinking about a lot of stuff and working on quite a few things. Mostly over at the studio so I don't have anything finished or photos of anything. Plus although I've been thinking about a lot of stuff I seem to be having a case of writer's block because I have been unable to write things down in a coherent, sensible way. I'm hoping that will change because I enjoy getting my thoughts out.

I have been thinking a lot about privacy lately since I decided to quit facebook and have been thinking about my motivation for keeping a blog at all. I'm still thinking about it but I want to make sure that my motivation isn't to simply attract attention. Because I'm learning that privacy is good. I think facebook has programmed a lot of us to overshare things about ourselves and to constantly seek attention and I don't think that is a good thing. I do think though that it is good to have opportunities to express what we think and believe and make without feeling like we should hide those things which is why I keep this blog public instead of private. Blogging does provide an outlet for me that I like. It has also provided a huge source of information and inspiration which I love and would be happy if I could contribute to. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to keep up with it once school starts, but that's okay. It's a fun pursuit, not a required thing that I have to feel obligated to keep up. That's partly why I like it. :)

Okay. Happy weekend.

17!

Today is my sister's birthday. She's 17. :)

Happy Birthday, Holly!